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Wednesday, May 12, 2010

The Lightworker's Prayer

The Lightworker's Prayer --
Our Zero, Who art The Won:
Hollow be Thy Fame;
Thy Kingdom come,
Thy Will be done, in earth as it is in Europe;
Ration this day our health care needs,
and forgive us our carbon debt
as we demonize the "racists" who protest compounding unpayable Debt;
And lead us not into "anti-Government" demonstrations,
but deliver us from Tea Bagg ... er, Partiers;
For Thine is the Hope'n'Change, and the Mandate, and the Nobel, forever.
Amen.


update:
The title of the "prayer" is a reference to this; the content of the "prayer" is reference both to some of the over-the-top adulation of "The One" and to some of the political viciousness of the Partisans of the Ass.

This is the version history, so to speak; Gentle Reader is free to decide what works and what doesn't:
Our Zero, Who art The Won:
Hollow be Thy Fame;
Thy Kingdom come,
Thy Will be done, in earth as it is in Europe;
Ration this day our health care,
and forgive us our carbon dioxide
and forgive us our carbon debt
as we demonize those who speak against You;
as we demonize those who ask to see Your Birth Certificate;
as we demonize those who protest compounding unpayable Debt;
as we demonize the "racists" who protest compounding unpayable Debt;
And lead us not into thinking for ourselves,
And lead us not into questioning Your Policies,
And lead us not into "anti-Government" demonstrations,
but deliver us from Rush Limbaugh;
but deliver us from Tea Bagg ... er, Partiers;
For Thine is the Kingdom, and the Power, and the Glory, forever.
For Thine is the Imperium, and the Mandate, and the Nobel, forever.
For Thine is the Hope'n'Change, and the Mandate, and the Nobel, forever.
Amen.


I wasn't totally satisfied with the last line being straight-up, as in the original version; changing it lead to these other changes.

17 comments:

cathy said...

This is ferociously clever and absolutely delectable.

Thank Heaven you use your powers for Good instead of Evil!

Where's said...

if he actually possessed any powers cathy, it'd be that he's using them for stupidity.

And what's with that photo? Is that you holding your skull together so it doesn't collapse into the vacuum inside it? Or have you poked yourself in your third eye because you aren't comfortable with 'seeing' reality? Maybe it's a potato/e gun and you're wondering when to pull the trigger?

Ilíon said...

Well, thank you Cathy (and, thank you, too, Waldo!).

I've modified it a bit. Do you think I ought to leave it as it is right now, with the striken lines, or remove those lines altogether?

cathy said...

I'm undecided about the birth certificate line, but i quite like the modified Imperium/Mandate/Nobel bit!

;)

Ilíon said...

How is this?

(I'd thought about having it as "but deliver us from Rush Limbaugh and Sarah Palin")

Ilíon said...

I'm also thinking that perhaps, rather than Limbaugh, the "evil" should be Tea Partiers.

MK said...

That's a good one Illion.

And it looks like it's certainly upset at least one of his sycophantic worshipers, always a good test.

cathy said...

Well, I finally tried to learn a bit more about the Lightworker concept, but I don't think there can be much to it, since just reading this stuff makes me fell worse about humanity. ;)

'Course, I still love the Prayer, even though I feel just a shade blasphemous saying so...

How about:

"And lead us not into demonstrations,"

Also, I liked your first idea about Rush Limbaugh -- sort of a specific entity of evil

I really like

"Forgive us our carbon debt,
as we demonize those who protest compounding unpayable
Debt;"

-- going so far from the expected rhythm made me laugh.

Ilíon said...

I know what you mean, Cathy: just reading that "Lightworker" piece (whether it was worship of Obama or satire about others' worship of him) made me ill.

As for the changing content of "Lightworker's Prayer," well, to follow the pattern of the Lord's Prayer, there was only so much I could put into it: put something in, something else has to come out. That's why I decided to include the "version history," so that Gentle Reader can decide how best to mock Obamaworship.

As you can see, I've updated it again, incorporating your "lead us not into demonstrations" idea.

Ilíon said...

What about this?

"And lead us not into Tea Bagg ... er, "anti-Government" demonstrations,
but deliver us from Rush Limbaugh"

Ilíon said...

But, one reason I removed the reference to one specific person is that it seems so unfair to name only Limbaugh as the "liberal" personification of "evil!" After all, what about Ann Coulter, or Sarah Palin, or Sean Hannity (lightweight though I think he is), or ...?

Martin said...

Using Rush's name "Deliver us from Limbaugh" would be my vote but I showed up to post a quote from the Chesterton blog, just for Waldo.

The true and horrid secret of the crank is this: that he is not interested in his subject. He is only interested in his object. He wants to do something, to alter something, to feel he has made a difference, to rediscover his own miserable existence. He does not care for women, but for Votes for Women; he does not care for children, but for education; he does not care for animals, but for Anti-vivisection; he does not care for Nature, but for "open spaces. " He does not care for anything unless he can do something to it. Leave him for three minutes alone with a cow or a canary, and he has not enough energy to live the life of contemplation. He can never enjoy a discussion because he can never enjoy a doubt. He is unfit for all the arts and sciences and philosophies, which require a powerful patience or a noble indifference. He is unfit to be an agnostic. He is unfit to be an angler.
[GKC ILN July 19 1913 CW29:524-5]

Ilíon said...

Thank you, Martin.

Ilíon said...

How about this?

and forgive us our carbon debt
as we demonize the "racists" who bitterly cling to their guns and religion;
And lead us not into Tea Bagg ... er, "anti-Government" demonstrations,
but deliver us from Rush Limbaugh;

Martin said...

“and forgive us our carbon debt
as we demonize the "racists" who bitterly cling to their guns and religion;
And lead us not into Tea Bagg ... er, "anti-Government" demonstrations,
but deliver us from Rush Limbaugh;”


or perhaps

as we demonize all who disagree.

(I'm famous for editing down.)

Ilíon said...

An update, for the 2012 elections --

Our Zero, Who art The Won,
Hollow be Thy Fame!
Thy Re-Election come,
So Thy Will be done,
on Earth as it is in our imaginations.
Give us this day our daily sound-bite.
And, forgive us for doubting Your Total Awesomeness,
even as we viciously demonize those who point out that You're "just not all that".
And, lead us not into temptation,
But deliver us from thinking that maybe, just maybe, you have really STP.
For Thine is the Hope'n'Change, and the Mandate, and the Nobel, forever.
Amen.

Ilíon said...

Another update, for the 2012 elections --

Our Zero, Who art The Won:
Hollow be Thy Fame;
Thy (Re)Election come,
Thy Will be done, in earth as it is in Your Head;
Ration this day our health care needs,
and forgive us our carbon-dioxide
as we "get in the faces" of Your enemies;
And lead us not into (free market) Temptation,
but deliver us from [Palin/Bachmann];
For Thine is the Hope'n'Change, and the Mandate, and the Nobel, forever.
Amen.