Two Jewish Jokes

I was Googling to find a particular Jewish joke; I found it, and on the same page I found another that I wish to share with Gentle Reader.

Here is the joke I was looking for --

Nothing

During Shabbat services the Rabbi kneels and puts his forehead to the floor and says, "Before you oh Lord, I am nothing."

The Cantor looks at him, thinks it couldn't hurt, and kneels, puts his forehead to the floor, and says, "Before you oh Lord, I am nothing."

Ben Shapiro in the fifth row is watching this and thinking that it was a pretty good idea, so he goes in the middle of the isle, kneels and puts his forehead to the floor and says, "Before you oh Lord, I am nothing."

The Rabbi nudges the Cantor. "Look who thinks he's nothing!"

Here is the one I wish to share with Gentle Reader --

A Dialogue while Moses is at the top of Sinai....

G: And remember Moses, in the laws of keeping Kosher, never cook a calf in its mother's milk. It is cruel.

Moses: Ohhhhhh! So you are saying we should never eat milk and meat together.

G: No, what I'm saying is, never cook a calf in its mother's milk.

Moses: Oh, Lord forgive my ignorance! What you are really saying is we should wait six hours after eating meat to eat milk so the two are not in our stomachs.

G: No, Moses, what I'm saying is, don't cook a calf in its mother's milk!!!

Moses: Oh, Lord! Please don't strike me down for my stupidity! What you mean is we should have a separate set of dishes for milk and a separate set for meat and if we make a mistake we have to bury that dish outside....

G: Ah, do whatever you want....

So, Jews do understand the absurdity that Rabbinical Judaism has made of the Law.

As social institutions or traditions, both Rabbinical Judaism and Christianity are off-shoots of 1st Century Pharisaical Judaism -- that is, as social institutions or traditions, both present-day Judaism and Christianity have an equal claim to being the "real" Judaism.

Now, aside from the whole Son of God question, the difference between the two is that -- following Christ -- Christianity rejected the whole Oral Torah tradition of the Pharisees, whereas Rabbinical Judaism wrote it down and elaborated it to even more absurd lengths than the Pharisees themselves had done.


And, by the by, the Mysterium (that's intentional) of The One True Bureaucracy is analogous to the Pharisees' Oral Law.