Ye olde 'double-standard'

Any number of women -- and womenly men -- like to complain about some supposed "double standard" that "society" (by which they generally mean "men") imposes upon women vis-a-vis the selection of "partners". But, in fact, what they're really complaining about is the fact, well-known for centuries, that men and women value different things in the opposite sex -- or, to put it another way, they're complaining that men are not women.

There is a little exchange touching on this supposed "double-standard" over at K T Cat's blog. My response is far too long to post in a commbox, so I've turned it into an OP post here --

Ilíon: "So, the lady is complaining how unfair it is that men aren't women?
"

K T Cat: "Yep. Maybe there's a problem or two with telling girls to act like boys...
"

Jedi Master Ivyan: "No. I think the complaint is that men's standards for appearance are ridiculously high. Even men who don't look at pornography are bombarded with images of perfect women in media. A portly 40 year old man expects no less than a ravishing 20 something. There are plain women who need husbands, too."

K T Cat: "Jedi, you are right as well. Having said that, it does no good to tell young women to wait to begin sifting through the market until they're older. It only makes matters worse. You can bet that I will not be telling my daughter to wait until she's 30+. Instead, I'll tell her to find the right guy and not worry about her age.

The stories of what girls are doing in college these days - hooking up instead of shopping around - is heartbreaking. Many of them will end up like the unhappy woman writing in the UK newspaper."

"No. I think the complaint is that men's standards for appearance are ridiculously high. Even men who don't look at pornography are bombarded with images of perfect women in media. A portly 40 year old man expects no less than a ravishing 20 something. There are plain women who need husbands, too."

A man whose "standards for appearance [is] ridiculously high" -- given the context of what *he* has to offer that women value -- is a man who will remain single. Problem solved, don't you think?

"A portly 40 year old man expects no less than a ravishing 20 something. There are plain women who need husbands, too."

Now, see? You're doing the very thing that the woman in question is doing -- you're demanding that men be women.

What you're say is something like this: "If this particular man (a "portly 40 year old") were a woman, he wouldn't stand a snowball's chance in hell of attracting a mate he (as a 'she') desires."

Well, yes. But, the fact is, he's *not* a "plain woman" (presumably) trying to attract a man she finds desirable; he's a "portly 40 year old man" (presumably) trying to attract a woman he finds desirable.

And the plain fact is that men and women find quite different traits or characteristics to be desirable in the opposite sex --
1) men desire women who can give them children (and who *respect* them .. and who also desire sexual activity with them, as this is generally how men achieve the emotional-belief that “she loves-and-respects me”); this tends to skew towards "a ravishing 20 something";
2) women desire men who can -- and will commit to -- support their children (and who *cherish* them ... and who also sexually desire them while not being kinky in those sexual desires, as this is generally how women achieve the emotional-belief that “he loves-and-cherishes me”); this tends to skew towards "successful" men ... who, not infrequently, are "portly 40 year olds".

But, with women, there is an added twist: women tend to desire the men that already belong to other women (in this context, by 'women', I really mean "human females with the minds of junior high-school girls, regardless of their chronological ages"). That is, as women tend to be herd creatures, they not infrequently fall into the fallacy of judging the worth of a man not on his own merits, but on some amorphous herd consensus: “if some other woman desires him, he must be desirable” -- this is why, in the present day, we see masses of 'women' going ga-ga over absolute trolls ... provided those trolls are pushed on TV.


"Even men who don't look at pornography are bombarded with images of perfect women in media."

It's not due to "the media", and it's not due to pornography -- it's due to human nature and the *different* things men, in general, desire in women, compared to what women, in general, desire in men. There is an added twist, of course, and you can blame "the media" if you wish: our cultural elites (who tend to be leftists and God-haters) have spent the past couple of centuries working to make the vices of the sexes into the (perceived) virtues; and, most recently, having convinced most 'men' that being a cad is what manhood is all about, they've switched gears to trying to turn men into ersatz women (though, not, of course, virtuous women, but the opposite).

But, on the basic human nature angle, why do you think that older men -- even before Christianity -- have *always* cautioned younger men to not make physical appearance the most important criterion by which they pick a woman, but rather to look at the full package of what she can bring to a marriage, starting with whether she is a woman of honor (thus, being a slut pretty much out-weighed whatever good qualities she might have)? Why do you think that older women -- even before Christianity -- have *always* cautioned younger women to not make popularity the most important criterion by which they pick a man, but rather to look at the full package of what he can bring to a marriage, starting with whether he is a man of honor (thus, being a cad pretty much out-weighed whatever good qualities he might have)?

Now, it's true that we presently live in society in which the social elites devalue -- 'hate' is not too strong a word -- marriage and commitment. It's true that we live in a society in which the social elites (who tend to be leftists and atheists) have been hard at work for the past couple of centuries to divorce "sex" from reproduction in the minds and attitudes of "the masses" -- and thus we see masses of women, and men, in their 30s and 40s, with a lot of notches on their bed-posts, but no committment: no *real* marriage (even if they have gone through some ceremony); no (living) children, but any number of children murdered via abortion, and no grandchildren.

But, there is no *reason* that the individual must submit to this cultural suicide. As Mark Steyn always says: "The future belongs to those who show up" ... and those who fall prey to the leftist/atheistic hatred of real marriage, and real sexual activity -- which is to say, making babies -- tend to de-select themselves from The Future (tm). The current cultural consensus -- hatred of real marriage -- is unstable and, in fact, self-destroying.

Further, we live in a deliberately feminized age. By this I mean that most 'men' *already* have been trained by our leftist/atheist elites think and behave similarly to women (in this context, by 'women', I really mean "junior high-school girls"). And most 'women *already* have been trained by our leftist/atheist elites to never mature out of the mindest of junior-high girls.

The solution to the discontents of 'women' who have wasted -- as they were *taught* to do -- their 20s and 30s chasing after everything *except* the one thing that they, as women, really do most desire, is not "more of the same", and it's not "let's brow-beat men into trying to be women", and it certainly isn't "let's pretend that we were not intentionally mislead, and that we did not willingly join in our own deception and did not willingly cooperate in the ruination of our own lives."